By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
Review an evaluation checklist of offenses that husbands typically commit against their wives.
Family Counseling Ministries -
In order to forgive her husband, a wife must acknowledge the offenses he has committed against her.
Most women who are unhappily married are not fully aware of the specific ways that their husbands have offended them. Many wives harbor resentment in their hearts toward their husbands, but they are often unable to determine the exact reasons why. Dr. Dunlap explains why it is necessary for a wife to list the areas in which her husband has hurt her. This article is a checklist to help women identify 123 ways that husbands typically offend their wives.
Listed below are some of the offenses that husbands typically commit against their wives. As women read through this list, it is a good idea to check the items that apply to their individual situations. Then they should use those items as a guide to specifically forgive their husbands.
I forgive my husband for:
___1. Ignoring me
___2. Not valuing my opinions
___3. Paying more attention to other people than to me
___4. Not listening to me, or not understanding what I feel is important
___5. Closing me out by not talking to me, or by not listening to me (the Silent Treatment)
___6. Being easily distracted when I try to talk with him
___7. Not scheduling special time to be with me
___8. Not being open to talk about things that he doesnt understand
___9. Not being open to talk about things that I dont understand
___10. Not giving me a chance to fully voice my opinions on decisions that affect the entire family
___11. Punishing me by being angry or silent
___12. Making jokes about certain aspects of my life
___13. Making sarcastic comments about me
___14. Insulting me in front of other people
___15. Answering back at me with quick retorts when we are arguing
___16. Admonishing me harshly
___17. Using careless words before he thinks through how they will affect me
___18. Nagging me harshly
___19. Correcting me before he gives me a chance to fully explain a situation
___20. Raising his voice at me
___21. Making critical comments that seem to have no logical basis
___22. Swearing at me or using foul language in my presence
___23. Correcting me in public
___24. Being tactless when he points out my weaknesses or blind spots
___25. Reminding me angrily that he warned me not to do something
___26. Having disgusted or judgmental attitudes toward me
___27. Pressuring me when I am already feeling low or offended
___28. Lecturing me when I need to be comforted, encouraged, or treated gently
___29. Breaking promises without any explanation or without asking to be released from the promise
___30. Telling me how wonderful other women are and comparing me to other women
___31. Holding onto resentment about something that I did and which I tried to make right
___32. Being disrespectful to my family members and other relatives
___33. Coercing me into arguments
___34. Correcting or angrily punishing me for something that I am not guilty of
___35. Not praising me for something that I did well, even if I did it for him
___36. Treating me like a child
___37. Being rude to me or to other people when we are in public (such as restaurant personnel or store clerks)
___38. Being unaware of my needs
___39. Being ungrateful
___40. Not trusting me
___41. Not approving of what I do or how I do it
___42. Not being interested in my personal growth or my spiritual growth
___43. Being inconsistent or having double standards (doing things that he doesnt want me to do)
___44. Not giving me advice when I really need it and ask for it
___45. Not telling me in specific ways that he loves me
___46. Having proud and arrogant attitudes in general
___47. Not giving me the daily encouragement that I need
___48. Failing to include me in conversations when we are out together with other people
___49. Failing to spend focused time with me when we attend social gatherings
___50. Continuing a discussion or arguing a point, simply to prove that he was right
___51. Ignoring me in our home, as if I werent a member of the family
___52. Not taking time at the end of the day to listen to what is important to me
___53. Not paying any attention to me at social gatherings
___54. Not attending church with us as a family
___55. Failing to honestly express to me his innermost feelings
___56. Showing more excitement for work and other activities than for me
___57. Being impolite at mealtimes
___58. Having sloppy manners around the house or in front of others
___59. Not inviting me out regularly on special romantic dates (just the two of us)
___60. Not helping me with the children at extra stressful times, such as before mealtimes or at bedtime
___61. Not volunteering to help me with the dishes occasionallyor with cleaning the house
___62. Making me feel stupid when I share an idea about his work or about decisions that need to be made
___63. Making me feel unworthy for desiring certain furniture or insurance or other material needs for myself and for the family
___64. Not being consistent with the discipline of the children
___65. Not taking an interest in playing with the children and not spending quality and quantity time with them
___66. Not showing affection for me in public, like holding my hand or putting his arm around me (as though he is embarrassed to be with me)
___67. Not sharing his life, his ideas or his feelings with me (such as whats going on at work)
___68. Not being the spiritual leader of our home
___69. Demanding me to submit to him
___70. Demanding me to respond to him sexually when we are not in harmony with one another
___71. Being unwilling to readily admit when he is wrong
___72. Being defensive whenever I point out one of his blind spots
___73. Being too busy with work or other activities
___74. Not showing compassion and understanding for the children and me when there is a real need to do so
___75. Not planning for the future, which makes me very insecure
___76. Being stingy with money, making me feel that I have to beg for every penny
___77. Wanting to do things sexually that make me feel embarrassed
___78. Reading pornographic magazines or watching indiscreet videos
___79. Forcing me to make many of the decisions regarding the checkbook and bills
___80. Forcing me to handle bill collectors and overdue bills
___81. Not letting me lean on his gentleness and strength (or not having gentleness and strength for me to lean on)
___82. Not allowing me to failalways believing that he has to correct me
___83. Refusing to recognize my uniqueness and my differences as a woman
___84. Criticizing my womanly characteristics or sensitivity as weakness
___85. Spending too much money and placing the family under financial pressure
___86. Not having a sense of humor and not joking about things with me
___87. Not sending me special love letters or hand-written notes from time to time
___88. Forgetting special occasions such as anniversaries or birthdays
___89. Not defending me when someone else criticizes me or tears me down, especially if it is one of his relatives or friends
___90. Not putting his arms around me, and hugging me when I need to be comforted
___91. Not bragging to other people about me
___92. Being dishonest
___93. Discouraging me when I try to better myself, either through education or through exercise
___94. Continuing to practice distasteful or harmful habits
___95. Not treating me gently
___96. Ignoring my relatives and the people who are important to me
___97. Taking me for granted; assuming that a womans work is never done
___98. Not including me in future plans until the last minute
___99. Seldom doing little unexpected things for me to let me know that he loves me and appreciates me
___100. Not treating me as an intellectual equal
___101. Viewing me as a weaker individual in general
___102. Being preoccupied with his own goals and needs and making me feel that the children and I are not his top priority
___103. Threatening to never let me do something again because I made some mistake in the past
___104. Criticizing me behind my back (This is especially painful for me if I hear about his criticism from someone else.)
___105. Blaming me for things in our relationship that are clearly his fault
___106. Not being aware of my physical limitations; treating me like a man, by roughhousing with me or making me carry heavy objects
___107. Being impatient or angry with me when I cant keep up with his schedule or his physical stamina
___108. Acting as though he is a martyr if he goes along with my opinions
___109. Sulking when I challenge his comments
___110. Joining too many organizations that exclude the children and me
___111. Failing to repair items around the house
___112. Watching too much TV and neglecting family time
___113. Demanding that I must sit down and listen to his point of view when I need to be doing other things
___114. Insisting upon lecturing me in order to convey the importance of the points that he wants to make
___115. Humiliating me with words and actions; saying things such as, I cant stand to live in a messy house.
___116. Not taking the time to prepare me to enjoy sexual intimacy
___117. Spending money extravagantly, without faithfully giving to God
___118. Avoiding family activities that the children enjoy
___119. Taking vacations that are primarily what he wants to do
___120. Not letting me get away to spend time with friends, go shopping, go out for coffee and dessert at a restaurant, etc.
___121. Being unwilling to join me in the things that I enjoy, like shopping, going out for coffee and dessert at a restaurant, etc.
___122. Not understanding the challenging responsibilities that a wife has: laundry, cooking, picking up clothes and toys all day long, wiping runny noses, changing diapers, etc.
___123. Refusing to be self-sacrificial by regularly touching me in non-sexual ways, strictly for my pleasure and enjoyment, not leading to sexual intercourse
As each wife reads through this list and checks the various items that pertain to her relationship with her husband, she should seek Gods grace to begin the forgiveness process immediately.
Dr. Don Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete library of Dr. Dunlaps articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries. Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com ministry Partner.